Lost Boobs Hash Trash #160
January 20, 2014 (“Civil Rights Day” – because even MLK Day can be politically corrected)
Castaway’s (“TriAnal – Doing the Butte”)
This hash started before it even started. Which helped, because a good pre-lube went a long way:
Anal Beaching posted that afternoon: “I just rear-ended someone. Fitting, on this day of TriAnal.”
Anal Beaching and Trifuckta then proceeded to rear end every single one of the 106 hashers on trail, including 10 virgins. The poor virgins kept asking, Is it always like this? Does it bleed every time? Is it always this long and hard? Does everyone do it so rough?
There was a lot of fall out after this hash (santorum?), so hash trash basically wrote itself.
Just Joe claimed he committed a felony on trail, but that’s only true in some states.
From Moany Hawk:
“Captain Hindsight says – Doing the Butte was uncomfortable, yet pleasurable.”
Try telling that to I Suck Newton:
“We got home and I said babe I’m hurting….he says I know your ankle looks terrible….I said my ankle doesn’t hurt at all, but my butt does, can you look to see if I have a bruise? I drop my pants and he nearly fainted….guess my butt looks tore up…”
Pillfer My Ass provided an educational session on trail (I had to have a make-up session because I fell behind). Basically, keep 2 Ibuprofen and lube in your car, in the kitchen and in your nightstand. I was skeptical, as this advice does not appear to cover all angles. She then said, oh and carry it on your person at all times. PMA added that drinking as much beer as you want does not detract from the medicinal effects.
Lost Boobs Hash DID swing low by 9:30, as it always does. No one specified which time zone, however.
From Trifuckta. (I appreciated this because I personally experienced zero items from this list.):
thanks to everyone that came out to the hash tonight!
here are some fun numbers.
true trail turkey: 3.5 miles
true trail eagle: 5.4 miles
1 bottle of chocolate wine
20 twinkies
12 mini gatorades
9 mini booze bottles
6 + bags of flour
4 pieces of chalk
2 gallon bags of tossed salad
1 bottle of hershey’s syrup
1 quart of creamed corn
1 quart of sweet corn
120 cans of shitty beer
64 bottles of water
5 fish hooks
81 ass slaps
1 really shitty YBF
1 really great “i had a hash dream” speech which i will post later [See below] also, be sure to thank just mike and just joe for shuttling people back to the bar. ON ON!
By Anal Beaching:
Welcome to the 69 Man March!
I have a dream that one day this hash will rise up and live out its objectives:
To promote physical fitness among our members
To get rid of weekend hangovers
To acquire a good thirst and to satisfy it in beer
To persuade the older members that they are not as old as they feel
I have a dream that bimbos and wankers of Phoenix will be able to gather at the table together and share in their love of beer.
I have a dream that one day we will live in a nation where we will not be judged by the color of our shiggy socks, but by the content of our beer cans.
I have a dream today!
I have a dream that the hares will find a place to have sex on trail, and that if you find us, you allow one or preferably both of us to finish before snaring us.
I have a dream today!
I have a dream that you follow trail as it was laid and that you consume BBs in their entirety.
I have a dream today!
I have a dream that everyone participates in circle, we respect the RAs, and swing low is sung by 9:30.
This is my hope, and this is the faith that I will go back to providing you with a shitty trail. On-on!